Time For Truth

Over the last few months pretty much everything in my life has changed and as a result I have fallen off nearly every wagon I have ever been on. I’ve had enough of this, I really have. Of enough of feeling like rubbish which results in a lack of motivation to do anything!

So, what has happened?

For the best part of a year my husband and I have been making plans to buy a campsite in Scotland. It was such a beautiful location even if the owners house left more than a little to be desired. IT was in the middle of beautiful rugged coastline, abundant and amazing nature and a community spirit you could feel as soon as you got there even as a tourist.

Last year we made a trip up to see the site and fell in love with it instantly. We were due to finance the purchase with the same of an inherited house which we had a ‘guaranteed’ buyer for. The sale date was agreed for early January so we set about the mammoth task of clearing the house out over Christmas no less.

The completion date came and went with no movement, a random line in a deed agreement somewhere down the chain being blamed for all delays. Then, after TWO MONTHS of waiting the worst happened. While we were at the top of the chain, the 5 link long chain below collapsed catastrophically. Our buyer still wanted the property and asked us to wait for him to find a new buyer for his house … which turned into another wait of over a month.

He then changed his mind and decided not to move at all.

Through all this time we were having to stall the owner of the property we were wanting to buy and racking up solicitor fees both here in the UK and in Scotland. While we got the house back on the market and have had multiple viewings, no one has offered anything near our asking price, despite it being priced a lot lower than any other property in the area for a ‘quick sale’.

A few weeks ago our worst fears were confirmed. An email from our solicitor confirmed that another offer had been put forward on the property in Scotland and how did we want to proceed. With no idea how long our property was going to be on the market for, no idea what price we would get for it and no idea what the competing offer was for (£1 over ours or £100,000 over ours?) we had little choice but to advise that our previous offer stands but is still subject to sale.

The other offer was accepted. The property has gone.

To say I’m heartbroken is putting it lightly. I know I was thinking with my heart and not my head but the vibe of that place was just entrancing. It was like it had cast a spell over me. I have never felt so relaxed anywhere else in the world. It was a real blow.

In the mean time many other things, large and small, have disrupted our lives.

Last April I got made redundant in some shambolic show culminating in me being told that I had been selected due to “issues with performance and quality of work”. When asked why nothing had been brought up with me I was told it would have been but they hadn’t gotten round to a performance review meeting yet … Still … I got paid to leave and I wasn’t happy in that job anyway.

The kicker didn’t come until 3 weeks later, I often wonder if the bosses there were psychic.

3 weeks after getting made redundant I found I  was (am) pregnant. Don’t get me wrong, this is an amazingly wonderful thing and my husband and I are so happy! But c’mon! Timing!!! Chances of landing a new job while being pregnant are slim at best yet JSA seems to be the only way I can go to make sure I am still getting my NI stamp. A 4 hour round of phone calls to various benefit advice lines, claim lines and job centre offices left me feeling exhausted physically, emotionally and mentally.

Not to mention the woman that told me (and I quote) “Just being pregnant doesn’t matter to us or the government, until it’s born it doesn’t exist”. This is quite possibly the most horribly worded statement I have ever come across and in my tired, emotional state I got so angry I burst into tears and couldn’t speak. When she then said I “sounded upset” and did I want to “speak to any service that could help” I just stammered no so she ended the call. I’m getting angry just talking about it.

Anyway, I’m now pregnant, jobless and have lost out on a dream property. Oh and our washing machine decided that would be a great time to break down, we had home insurance, MOT and car insurance to pay and I have been dealing with “morning sickness” at random times of day for the last 4 weeks. Can someone stop the world, I want to get off.

I’ve also dissolved into eating an endless round of comfort food so I’m not sure if my expanding waist band is because of over indulgence or the growing baby …

But life goes on. As I said while we are both more terrified than we have ever been over anything else, we are both thrilled to be having a baby. I have my first scan in a couple of weeks.

Now I just need to somehow get our lives back on any track I can find.

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Rushing Onto The Wagon … Again

Yes, I have said this before. I am renewing my attempts to improve my health and general fitness … not to mention my expanding sit-down belly! I have said this so many times before and I keep on letting myself and everyone else down by falling off the wagon again.

I so fed up with myself!

I simply have never had the ability to stick with exercise plans or healthy eating plans. I always start to feel very self conscious and cravings for cheeseburgers are sooooooo tempting! However, this time I am trying something different … or rather … WE are trying something different.

My husband and I have just joined our local gym as a couple. I’m hoping that having him go on this journey with me aswell will help to keep me in gear. He has been in this morning while I’m at work and is going to go tonight with me too. We also both have inductions booked with a personal trainer so we can get on the right routine to help us rech our goals.

So … having spent £150 on new sports wear (this stuff adds up quick!) it’s time to get my ass (and my belly) in shape again.

We are also working hard to try and improve our food intake while still eating the types of food that we like. So we are sticking to food plans now and trying to keep our portion sizes down (My eyes are so much bigger than my belly!)

This weeks plan is …

Monday: Warm chicken ceasar salad with garlic flatbread.

Tuesday: Vegetarian meatballs and mash (gotta love IKEA food)

Wednesday: Noodles with prawn crackers

Thursday: soup and fresh bread roll

Friday: Sweet chilli pork belly with rice

Saturday: Breaded turkey breast with home made chips

Sunday: Lamb shank with mash

I really hope we are not rushing into this too quickly.

Beating The Food Blues

I have found recently that I have become rather bored with the food I have been eating. It’s always the same routine of regular meals and that has resulted in us diverging from my meal plans more often than not. While we have been getting through a lot of the food in the freezer, it just gets replaced with the same things. We have also somehow managed to fill the freezers with bits and bobs that don’t seem to have a place in many meals. What can I say … I’m a sucker for a special offer on a party nibble platter.

This week I’m trying to find a way to make the weeks meals more …captivating

In addition to this I have put on a few more pounds than I am comfortable with over the last few months and I need to do something about that before it gets too out of hand. So … I’m trying a week of meatless meals to see if I can work healthy alternatives in to our diet.

Here is the plan for this week …

Monday: Quorn escallops with home made potato wedges and veg (peas and sweetcorn are my absolute favorite with this … definitely need to add some colour)

Tuesday: Brocolli and cheese quiche with salad (yes, I know quiche is far from a health food but it is a firm favorite for a quick meal)

Wednesday: Veggie bolognese with zoodles/courgetti

Thursday: Fajita vegetable flatbread with salad (kind of a take on a pizza)

Friday: Takeaway/fakeaway

Hopefully this will allow us to have a bit of a break from the mundane.

Weighing Up Some Home Truths

I have been avoiding something obvious about my self for a long time now. Since I cause tendon damage in my foot last year and then dropped a solid oak wardrobe onto my big toe last month … I have fallen into a pit of zero exercise! It’s not something I have been proud of but shame has never been a great motivator for me. Complain that I’m not being active enough and I will go and put my comfy PJs on and switch on the TV.

This morning three things happened and I feel like my resolve has just taken a shot of adrenalin.

  1. my husband told me that he was worried I was starting to “let myself go”. He didn’t mean it to sound derogatory … just that I had stopped taking care of myself. I wasn’t taking care of my skin (which means it has been suffering lately), I can’t remember the last time I shaved my underarms let alone anywhere else and I am developing a round little tummy. All of this has been eating away at me making me feel unattractive and so even less inclined to try and make the effort because let’s face it … what’s the point?
  2. I weighted myself today and at 10 stone I am the heaviest I have ever been. Now, I know that is not a lot but at a dinky 5ft4 and a tendency to put weight on only around my middle, I don’t carry it well and I just feel unhealthy!
  3. I found out today that one holiday company in the UK is starting up holidays to Tunisia again. This was the first holiday we went on together after just 3 months of dating and I have been dying to go back but I’ll be darned if I’m going to be stuck in some tummy controlling swimsuit.

I know image isn’t everything and no woman should ever feel that they have to do something for someone elses benefit. That’s not what I’m trying to suggest. What I am saying is that I am unhappy with how I look and how I feel.

So now I’m going to change it.

Having given myself a lecture on how I have got to get my act together I have contacted my old Zumba instructor and confirmed there are still spaces in her Tuesday class, and I have also signed up for a new “Pound” exercise class which looks tough but it is to rock music so what could go wrong?

Tonight is my first Zumba class in ages. And you know what …? I’m really looking forward to it!

Carving A New Life

It’s funny how people are often very enthusiastic about the prospect of something but then when it comes down to it, things kind of fizzle out. Everyone does it, myself included. My belief is that you invest so much energy into being excited over an idea that you then don’t have the energy to beat down the inevitable nervoiusness of a fight or flight response.

This is the stage I’m coming to now. With the prospect of trying to carve a new life for my husband and I out of thin air I’m faced by all the doubts and the constant barrage ‘what if’. What if things don’t work out the way we want? What if it puts a strain on our relationship? What if I miss my family too much? What if no one likes us there?

And so on and so forth.

This step we are planning to take is a massive one and we have been inching towards it for 4 months now but it feels like a year!

The biggest issue is that if we do this (And yes, for now it’s being kept on a bit of a hush-hush) … then I will have to become … a grown-up.

First Time For Everything

There has to be a first time for everything and in my case, yesterday was my first time ever cooking roast beef.

It’s not much of a life achievement, I know, but as someone who stopped eating roast beef in her teens it was undoubtedly uncharted territory. I always found roast beef to be rather dry and leathery, which was a shame as I love the taste of beef but ended up having it drowned out by flavor of mashed potato and gravy just to combat the dryness.

Last week Hubby requested roast beef for diner one night. He doesn’t normally make direct requests as he is happy to let me run the food budget and set meal plans so I was more than happy to try my hand at it.

My instincts said that slow roasting it would be best so I searched out a recipe and managed to find one that seemed to be fairly fool proof. Believe me, this I need!

I am pleased to say that, despite my use of dried mixed herbs instead of the fresh rosemary and thyme the recipe called for, it was a wonderful success! the meat was still pink in the middle and was lovely and tender! It was even yummy on our sandwiches this morning too!

Here’s to one more feather in my cap!

However … I forgot to take any photos … AGAIN! *rolls eyes*

A Bit More Than A Patch Job

This last year has been one of the happiest of my life, so why is it that I feel things have begun spiraling out of control? I have fallen out of routine after routine and felt myself get dragged down into a feeling of “what’s the point?” that I’m struggling to pull myself out of.

On the odd occasion I will have a positive day where I have stuck to what I wanted to achieve. Then the next day I miss fire and then end up right back where I was. It’s rather exhausting.

I am really going to have to try and pull my finger out and knit my life back together before things really fall apart! I can’t just sweep things under the rug and expect everything to be OK.

I need to be a better person for myself and those around me otherwise … I don’t even want to think about the consequences.

Response to Daily Post prompt: Knit