A Loss Of Rythem

The saying goes that when one does not stick to a promise to better themselves in some way, they have “fallen off the wagon”. Normally this applies to people struggling with the incredibly difficult journey that is being a recovering alcoholic yet I apply this to the current state of mind and body that I have found myself in.

My body has been thrown off rhythm.

I feel tired and sluggish, I struggle to think clearly and I ache. I have felt like this for a couple of weeks and it has only been today that a light-bulb has gone off over my head and the answer has appeared to me.

I have fallen off of the wagon of even moderately healthy eating.

I have never been a massive health food nut but I do try and avoid snacks, limit the amount of fatty foods I intake and I try to eat as many vegetables as I can. For some reason I just do not enjoy eating fruit so I take vitamin pills to make up for it and focus on my veggies.

However, in the last couple of weeks I have well and truly gone on a un-health food binge! Last weekend alone I at twice at Mcdonald’s and once at KFC, the meals I have planned for this week comprised of burgers and pies and chips, all things from the freezer that while being healthy on my bank balance, not so much on my insides. Drinking has also crept up again as well resulting in indulging an a glass or two too many of red wine because it would go nicely with the meal I’m having.

I really need to kick this habit before it becomes a bigger problem. If I feel like crap during the day I’m more likely to make crap for tea too under the guise of comfort food. The stupidest thing is I have a ring binder full of wonderful recipes I’ve found online and I heave shelves full of cookbooks all with nutritious, healthy and delicious recipes in them yet day in, day out I reach into the freezer and pull out a piece of processed turkey shaped inexplicably (and unrecognizably) as a dinosaur, or a pack of chicken nuggets, or a beef burger and so on.

I lack motivation for anything right now and I know it is because the fuel I am putting into my body is not allowing it to run effectively meaning I’m trying to operate at a low rev (and yes, that is a car metaphor).

So, the burgers I had planned to use for tonight can stay in the freezer for now. I have some home made potato wedges in the fridge (leftovers from last night’s beef and onion pie and wedges)  so it is off to the supermarket over the road to pick up something a little bit better. A little less processed.

Wish me luck, I’m going to need it.

I know I am not going to be the only one who has gone through an issue like this with food, where you get caught in a spiral of junk food is making you feel bad so you eat more junk food to cheer yourself up. I would be very interested to hear stories from anyone reading this who has had the same sort of journey themselves. *sits back and watches tumbleweed to pass by*

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3 Comments

  1. I just had a similar revelation! My skin has been breaking out, and I’ve noticed a dip in my moods. My MO, though: sugar. My inner monologue: “Oh, one cookie won’t hurt.” “I’ll just have a piece of chocolate as a nice afternoon pick-me-up.” “A treat once in awhile is allowed.” Yeah, not every day! It took all my willpower to walk past the tray of Girl Scout cookies at work today, but I did it!

    And you can too. Good luck with the meals– I like to use to slow cooker so that it’s done by the time I get home and I can’t opt for something easier (i.e. unhealthier).

    Liked by 1 person

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