Rushing Onto The Wagon … Again

Yes, I have said this before. I am renewing my attempts to improve my health and general fitness … not to mention my expanding sit-down belly! I have said this so many times before and I keep on letting myself and everyone else down by falling off the wagon again.

I so fed up with myself!

I simply have never had the ability to stick with exercise plans or healthy eating plans. I always start to feel very self conscious and cravings for cheeseburgers are sooooooo tempting! However, this time I am trying something different … or rather … WE are trying something different.

My husband and I have just joined our local gym as a couple. I’m hoping that having him go on this journey with me aswell will help to keep me in gear. He has been in this morning while I’m at work and is going to go tonight with me too. We also both have inductions booked with a personal trainer so we can get on the right routine to help us rech our goals.

So … having spent £150 on new sports wear (this stuff adds up quick!) it’s time to get my ass (and my belly) in shape again.

We are also working hard to try and improve our food intake while still eating the types of food that we like. So we are sticking to food plans now and trying to keep our portion sizes down (My eyes are so much bigger than my belly!)

This weeks plan is …

Monday: Warm chicken ceasar salad with garlic flatbread.

Tuesday: Vegetarian meatballs and mash (gotta love IKEA food)

Wednesday: Noodles with prawn crackers

Thursday: soup and fresh bread roll

Friday: Sweet chilli pork belly with rice

Saturday: Breaded turkey breast with home made chips

Sunday: Lamb shank with mash

I really hope we are not rushing into this too quickly.

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Carving A New Life

It’s funny how people are often very enthusiastic about the prospect of something but then when it comes down to it, things kind of fizzle out. Everyone does it, myself included. My belief is that you invest so much energy into being excited over an idea that you then don’t have the energy to beat down the inevitable nervoiusness of a fight or flight response.

This is the stage I’m coming to now. With the prospect of trying to carve a new life for my husband and I out of thin air I’m faced by all the doubts and the constant barrage ‘what if’. What if things don’t work out the way we want? What if it puts a strain on our relationship? What if I miss my family too much? What if no one likes us there?

And so on and so forth.

This step we are planning to take is a massive one and we have been inching towards it for 4 months now but it feels like a year!

The biggest issue is that if we do this (And yes, for now it’s being kept on a bit of a hush-hush) … then I will have to become … a grown-up.

First Time For Everything

There has to be a first time for everything and in my case, yesterday was my first time ever cooking roast beef.

It’s not much of a life achievement, I know, but as someone who stopped eating roast beef in her teens it was undoubtedly uncharted territory. I always found roast beef to be rather dry and leathery, which was a shame as I love the taste of beef but ended up having it drowned out by flavor of mashed potato and gravy just to combat the dryness.

Last week Hubby requested roast beef for diner one night. He doesn’t normally make direct requests as he is happy to let me run the food budget and set meal plans so I was more than happy to try my hand at it.

My instincts said that slow roasting it would be best so I searched out a recipe and managed to find one that seemed to be fairly fool proof. Believe me, this I need!

I am pleased to say that, despite my use of dried mixed herbs instead of the fresh rosemary and thyme the recipe called for, it was a wonderful success! the meat was still pink in the middle and was lovely and tender! It was even yummy on our sandwiches this morning too!

Here’s to one more feather in my cap!

However … I forgot to take any photos … AGAIN! *rolls eyes*

A Bit More Than A Patch Job

This last year has been one of the happiest of my life, so why is it that I feel things have begun spiraling out of control? I have fallen out of routine after routine and felt myself get dragged down into a feeling of “what’s the point?” that I’m struggling to pull myself out of.

On the odd occasion I will have a positive day where I have stuck to what I wanted to achieve. Then the next day I miss fire and then end up right back where I was. It’s rather exhausting.

I am really going to have to try and pull my finger out and knit my life back together before things really fall apart! I can’t just sweep things under the rug and expect everything to be OK.

I need to be a better person for myself and those around me otherwise … I don’t even want to think about the consequences.

Response to Daily Post prompt: Knit

A Naturally Dubious Nature

If there is one thing I would like to change about myself it’s my self confidence. Not as in ‘can’t step out of the house’ confidence, I mean confidence in my own ability to do things. I have a phrase that perfectly sums me up.

I doubt therefore I don’t.

Because I have such a dubious view of my own ability sometimes, I end up not even trying. Why try if you know you are going to fail anyway? Why waste the energy? Believe me, I don’t like this about myself and I hate even more the fact that I have just grown to accept this about myself.

Someone hands me a task to do and my first instinct is to cry because I just know I’m going to screw it up. I start going to the guy but end up giving that up because I know I’m not getting anywhere. Why bother trying to stop biting my nails when I know I’m just going to start again at some point?

I could go on.

This is why I have always operated online through … secret identities. I have had a couple of online personas in the past, most notably for when I was writing fanfiction (under a different name back then). That way I didn’t have to worry that if it wasn’t any good then I would be blamed for it, I always had deniability and the ability to disappear and become someone else.

Why am I like this? Well, I could always use the good old crutch of the fact that I was bullied a lot as a kid but was that the cause or a symptom? I don’t suppose I will ever figure that one out (See? there I go again).

My life at this particular moment is on a knife edge of the biggest decision my husband and I will ever have to make. Do we stick with living where we are now, in boring old suburbia with a low paying job, or do we up sticks and move everything we have to somewhere beautiful and remote where we can run a home business? My hear says “YES!!!! Go for it! Don’t let this opportunity get away!” but my head says “eeeehhhhhh, I’m not so sure …”.

*Sigh* Would someone like to make my life choices for me please?

Response to word prompt “Dubious“.

Getting Back On The Bandwagon … Again

As I sit here feeling bloated and sluggish I really wish I hadn’t fallen out of the routine of my exercise classes. I Gingerly  prod the tendons on my right foot which I hurt a few months back after attempting at-home zumba after a glass of wine. Unfortunately that meant while I was out of action I was also out of any routine I was beginning to get into.

I am terrible at sticking with things! Always have been but I know it is a character flaw that I do have the power to deal with, if I just get my ass into gear! So now I have bought myself a new ankle support that I can also use at pole classes (which have also fallen by the way side) so fingers crossed I will be able to get back into action shortly.

While I have not really put any weight on, any semblance of toned belly I was beginning to achieve has melted away into podge again which I am not happy with! I will defeat the dreaded “sit-down-belly”!

I will!

 

Being An Adult

When I was younger and I was being bullied by other kids at my school I used to long to be a grown up so that it didn’t happen any more. Now bullying just seems to be more subtle but still just as prevalent. It’s not the name calling or throwing mud at you anymore, it’s so-called friends skulking around behind your back. It’s people turning on you in the blink of an eye over the word of someone else.

It’s a lonely place to be when the group of friends you thought you had, don’t even have your back offer the most basic things.

Facebook and other social media outlets have given us a false sense of security in our friendships. With over 300 friends on my Facebook list you would think I had people talking to me, hanging out and generally being good friends to me ever day. Nope. Most of the people on my friends list are people I have maybe met once or twice, and a majority of them I don’t even really know who they are, just that they are friends with other friends who I do kinda recognize.

We have come to use it as a crutch, but out of those 300 friends, only two ever make an effort to talk to me outside of it. Even then those two friends live 2-3 hours away and can only visit/be visited every so often. Those are the type of friends that it takes effort to stay in touch with but when you do hook up it is like you have never been apart.

but how do you deal with the depression of knowing that you don’t have anyone immediately to hand to talk to. Anyone at all. This is what my husband is facing at the moment and it is heart breaking knowing that I can’t fill that gap he feels in his life.

Human beings are capable of amazing levels of compassion and kindness, but also astonishing levels of cruelty and hatred. Be it on an  inhumanly large scale or down to intentionally hurting one person emotionally.

When I grow up I want to be a bat so I can just fly away into the night.